This Sunday I will achieve a goal I’ve had for ten years: I will escape the United States and move to another country. For five of those years GodlessPaladin has been my digital companion and identity. It’s been witness to my many changes and evolution as a person. It’s seen my interests wax and wane, relationships come and go, and philosophical positions mutate. There have been periods where I passionately posted many times a week and dry spells brought on by environmentally triggered depression.
As I look back at who I was when I started GodlessPaladin, I see that I am both very different and very much the same person. I’m still passionate about atheism, religion, politics, and feminism, but the specifics of such passions have shifted. Atheism, religion, and feminism, while still important to me, have taken a more muted roll in my life as of late. My politics have shifted from that of bleeding heart progressive to cynical anarchist. While still interested in gaming, I hardly have the time as of late. My passions for medieval history, once the focal point of my life, have receded to that of passive interest. In their place I’ve developed a new interest: technology and how it is used in the interactions between people and society’s power structures.
While the GodlessPaladin will always be a part of me and my past, I don’t feel that it accurately portrays how I see myself today and who I want to become. As such, I want to start a new blog to mark this milestone in my life, and to record my experiences moving forward.
For the past few days I’ve been thinking about what I wanted the blog to focus on. Many of my friends and coworkers have asked about a travel blog to document my move to another country. I like this idea, but I also want a place to talk about other things that are important to me like anarchism and technology. It would be odd to talk about my move as if it existed in a vacuum. There are reasons to *why* I am moving, and many of them are political. I was hesitant at first to mix a travel blog with a political blog, but then I remembered that I can’t let what other people think bother me. I often feel alone in the world. I don’t know too many other people who have the same views on things as me. I’m on the defensive for the vast majority of my interactions with other people. I’m sure the fatigue of long term “siege mentality” has an affect on my outlook on life. As much as it hurts, however, deep down inside I feel that this isolation is my compass. When the whole world tells me I’m wrong, when I passionately believe I’m right, I feel as if I’m on the correct path. It’s when I find myself agreeing with everyone that I become suspicious.
And so I will mix travel and politics with my new blog, just as I’ve mixed everything here. It’ll be Me v2.0. If friends, family, and former coworkers find my politics unsettling, then they don’t need to visit those pages, or come to my blog. It exists first and foremost for me.
The trouble is, I’m having a hard time coming up with a good name. I feel it’s important. I’m choosing a new public internet identity. I want a name that means something to me, something that’s relevant to who I am, who I want to become, and what I believe in. GodlessPaladin was perfect for who I was five years ago.
I don’t know what I want to be known as in the future. Perhaps that’s appropriate because a lot of my move is about figuring out who I am in the first place.