14 Feb

Ever since I got a full time job and my own apartment, I have been thinking a lot about responsibility. I don’t mean the usual crap that your parents tell you about responsibility when you get a pet, I mean like how scary it is to have it and why so many people of avoid it.

At my job I am responsible for a lot of things, mainly innovations and troubleshooting. My biggest fear is that I will somehow forget to do something and it will hurt the business. The really scary part is that I work with the admin program and our server, which is like the beating heart of the business. I have to tripple check before I touch a button that could accidentally delete a medical record and get us sued.

It is my job to know everything about everything. When I suggest we try a new program or messages of doing something, I have to know every aspect of what I am suggesting and how it might affect the business. It is a lot of pressure. There are times in the day when I am stuck. I can’t do my job all by myself, sometimes I have to work with other people and their computers. Unfortunately sometimes they are not cooperative.

When my boss asks why something is not done I feel bad saying it is because I am waiting on someone else. I feel like that is an excuse, a way of shrugging off responsibility. When I read the book Atlas Shrugged, a constant theme was people avoiding responsibility. They always had an excuse for why something wasn’t done. I really do not want to be like that but there are times when I really can’t do something because of someone else. What are you supposed to do in those situations? What are you supposed to do when something is honestly not your fault? Is responsibility taking the blame even though you there was nothing you could do?

I get the feeling responsibility of something that can only hurt you. When you are responsible for something and it goes well no one says anything because that is what was supposed to happen; however, if something goes wrong your screwed. This is why people try to avoid responsibility. But if everyone avoids responsibility nothing gets done, just like in Atlas Shrugged.

I guess in those situations I usually just take the blame even though there was nothing I could possibly do. My job requires that I go into uncharted territory, I don’t have all the answers and I admit that. I try my best, yet sometimes some things still go wrong. I can be working very hard and something I never considered will screw me.

It is really frustrating to know you’re doing your best and yet to still have unexpected things go wrong. I love my job and the people I work with but sometimes the responsibility can be very scary. If I fuck up it is not only my livelihood that is at risk but the livelihood of others as well…

7 Responses to “Responsibility”

  1. Greg Christopher February 14, 2011 at 10:37 am #

    We have a word for people who take responsibility: Leaders.

    Congrats on your recent acquisition of the Leadership feat. What are you choosing at your next level up?

  2. godlesspaladin February 14, 2011 at 11:12 am #

    Hey Greg, I’m not sure what feats I’d be choosing next. :p

    The problem is that I’m not the leader. I have responsibilities, but not decision making powers like a leader would. I’m just the guy who gets in trouble when things beyond my control go wrong. It all feels very unfair. For example: there is a problem with something I’m responsible for. I’m not sure what action to take because of how it might affect the business. If I ask my coworkers, they ignore the problem and hope it just goes away. I’m at a standstill and can’t move forward until the problem is resolved, so I make a decision.

    If my decision turns out to be the wrong one, I get in trouble. If my decision is correct, everything continues as normal, nobody notices. It feels like all punishment and no reward…

  3. humanitarikim February 14, 2011 at 1:32 pm #

    Maybe you don’t highlight your achievements enough? It’s okay to toot your own horn from time to time. Someone will notice.

  4. Greg Christopher February 15, 2011 at 9:48 am #

    That’s why we have to have leaders, dude. Because people are lazy fucks and won’t make a decision themselves.

  5. K. Syrah February 18, 2011 at 3:14 pm #

    Ah! That’s the price of being a leader, or at least a working member of society. Don’t worry about the fear. It goes away after awhile.

    When I first began to work, not only were livelihoods, but lives, were at stake. I’ll be honest, I stayed up a few nights just worrying and fretting, but once you realize that you can do, it becomes much easier to bare. Make sure you have several layers of safety and dont’ get complacent!

    I’d honestly be more worried if you DIDN’T fret about it.

  6. greengeekgirl February 25, 2011 at 3:54 pm #

    Regarding your scenario of not knowing what to do, you can always find other people to help you make that decision–not coworkers but bosses. They would probably appreciate that you want to do the right thing instead of just getting it done–at least, I would HOPE they would.

    You can also channel your fears into innovation! For example, if you are worried that you could accidentally erase a significant file, perhaps you could think of some way to make the system more secure so that it doesn’t happen.

    I know what you mean, though–I’m getting ready to go back to the big W (work) if I get this job, and this job is a LOT of responsibility that I will be shouldering all by my lonesome. Aaaaaaack!

  7. Pat March 29, 2011 at 9:54 am #

    It’s good and right that this should be published because in America, people are driven to presume that the changing of political parties, or the election of different individuals, or parties, will make a difference in how government responds to its people.

    Unfortunately, there is considerable evidence to suggest that it doesn’t matter who is in office, or which party, and that the entire democracy may be based upon “pollyanna-ish ideals,” as the Brits have long hinted at (which is why they keep their monarchy, as flawed as it might be).

    Whether government can afford to be pollyanna-ish, and be led by blind faith is not the same as religious leaders relying upon blind faith (where God is ethereal, and the ideals are those which are generally not expected to be put into operation). Blind faith in government works in reality against people, just as it is claimed blind faith in God works for people. But the measurable harm from blind faith in government is measurable, and tangible – with no promises of afterlife, eternal life, etc.

    Government is real life effect from real life events, and that makes it more crucial to refrain from blind faith, and to expect that those elected are not operating as if they were led in the blind faith of government. They never were, and never were supposed to have been. That’s why the Constitutional legacy arrived to recent generations in tact, and as it is. Americans have no right to destroy it whether or not it works. But the more we indulge those who would harm what it stands for, the more open we are to the harms caused by those actions.

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