I punish myself by watching “Left Behind: World at war”

18 Nov

Ok, so I was surfing netflix and I saw this movie. I guess I’m a masochist because now I’m watching it. Here is my thought process as the movie is progressing:

The movie starts out with some Christians trying to smuggle out bibles and they’re attacked by government forces who kill some of them

Apparently there is a one world government resembling the UN, but now the rapture has happened. Oh, and the president of the United States is a black man…could that be coincidence?

Oh look, an angry Christian militia attacked the black president and blew up the convoy.

Holy fuck Kirk Cameron is in this marrying some girl in a secret underground christian double marriage ceremony.

Oh, now Kirk must rush to Washington DC because the vice president was assassinated. They pray before they leave and mention how if they mention they are Christians they go to re-education camps, if you spread the word, you’re sentenced as terrorists and don’t always make it to court alive, and even if you do the system is stacked against you.

Apparently the one world government president has a slight Russian accent and wants to kill the Christians with biological weapons.

Oh goodie, Kirk was kidnapped and thrown in a van.  And his bible is considered hate literature. Oh, and apparently the president of the United States conducts interrogations by himself…with a gun.

Oh! And Kirk uses Webster’s dictionary!

The one world leader (and anti-christ)  is putting together a powerful group of scientists! DUN DUN DUN!

Wow, the president of the United States just snuck out of the White House by hiding in the back of this lady’s SUV so they could go explore a power plant together…

Oh, now Kirk’s buddy is being tempted by a seductress atheist woman who’s threatening to report him to the one world government if he doesn’t have sex with her right there on the plane, even though the good Christian was just married.

Kirk Cameron uses a Mac. I hate Macs.

Now Kirk must find a vaccine through THE POWER OF PRAYER!!!! Oh, and God answers prayers via cellphones.

The new world order is using bibles to transmit the deadly virus.

Awesome, the president has a pistol made of porcelain! wtf….

Apparently Satan has Jedi powers… He just force threw the president out a window after the porcelain gun failed.

Now Kirk is in his apartment alone, screaming at god like the Apocalypse is his fault.

Again, god working through cell phones….I wonder if he has rollover minutes.

The president sits in the bombed out oval office making youtube videos and Kirk Cameron shows up in the doorway to save his soul and tell him about Jesus.

Now they’re uttering the magical incantation.

Now the president of the United States is a suicide bomber trying to blow up Satan’s headquarters.

Oh, now god has given the suicide bomber the cloak of invisibility so he could slip past the guards and blow himself up…

Oops, president went kaboom via a cruise missile FROM SPACE!

–the end–

 

 

4 Responses to “I punish myself by watching “Left Behind: World at war””

  1. Jason November 19, 2010 at 5:30 pm #

    The president should have known the porcelain gun was going to fail because it was a *porcelain* fucking gun.

  2. godlesspaladin November 19, 2010 at 7:54 pm #

    Hahaha, I never realized how that sounds when you say it slowly until now.

  3. thesecretatheist November 22, 2010 at 12:05 am #

    Why the fuck would you do that to yourself? What is WRONG with you, man??? :p

    • godlesspaladin November 22, 2010 at 12:42 am #

      Want to know the worst part? I also downloaded “A thief in the night” 🙂

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